by Jessica H Page

 

The following poem I wrote the night Sassy was taken from us. She was such a sweet cat. Then they all are aren’t they? Our babies of fur. Last afternoon when I got home from work mom came to visit and told me what had happened. That Sassafras was put to sleep and joined all of our other babies on the Rainbow Bridge. Below is something I wrote while I was thinking about them, all of them throughout the years and all of those in the future. What I have determined is that they are worth the pain and they make room for another cat to find a good home when they leave us. So while my heart aches, I take comfort in the fact that she was a happy cat, lived a long life and was well loved. Sometime the knowledge of pain holds us back, from moving forward. Everytime I go through this with a beloved pet I have to remind myself that it is okay to grieve and it is okay to forgive myself and that they are worth the pain.

-Jess H. Page

colors, all of them surround me

some I have seen,

some I have hated,

some I have loved,

Some I have never seen and will forget too soon

colors, drifting into one another

colors everywhere

here I am nothing

ethereal,  yet, as they stream past me,

a never ending tide of animals,

unaware, they part around me

animals I never dreamt existed,

walked calmly around this nonexistent self,

with cats, dogs, rats and all the animals norm,

extinct, long gone animals walked within the tide,

they all belonged, I did not.

colors never meant for my eyes

overwhelming yet comforting

a word on the tip of the tongue,

a feeling at the edge of consciousness

standing on a rainbow beyond conception,

painful beauty one should never experience

lungs filled with colors

yet silence,

strong and powerful,

heavy with inconceivable knowledge and wisdom

as silent paws trod and wings disturb the colorful air

silence filled with eternity as the tide parted around me

a tingle

physical and real on a body that did not exist

i turn

i know

i can feel them

as the tide ebbed and flowed

i turned around and around

yearning

colors blinding me

grief overwhelming me

voiceless I cried out

the tide continued, never ending,

the rainbow, solid beneath

body, out of place, alone, drops

wetness slides soundlessly down my cheeks

unseen fingers twirl the salt water with the colors

a heart forms as tears run unstopped,

a heart aches with loss and guilt,

a sound, a hiss breaks the weighted silence

startled I look up and there they are,

all of them,

my lost furry babies,

each special in their own way,

as I watch, a newcomer joins them and hisses again

as she is joined by her siblings,

then she looks at me and they all turn and look at me

the weight of their combined gaze filled with such knowledge, understanding and love,

a beautiful grey and white furry boy nuzzles the newcomer,

a sweet tabby next to him watches them as the newcomer starts to purr,

one cat, a beautiful black and white cat, seems to wink at me

As I watch, each one of my furry babies looks at me

love, forgiveness, understanding and mystery in each set of eyes

As they turn as one and join the silent tide

Eventually they are consumed by the mist of color

I have no reason to watch the slow parade of animals

Moving on to their next stop in their journey

So I turn and walk against the flowing tide that parts unknowingly before me

Losing myself in my own mist of color

My heart at peace, eyes still sore from crying

I go home.

By Jessica H. Page

 

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